Dave Beauvais' Web Site » Humor

My cat is trying to kill me

Dave Beauvais — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 04:51:34 +0000

Gas prices of yore

Dave Beauvais — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 11:44:52 +0000

Back in June 2005, I wrote this post and noted at the end that “these gas prices suck.” Wow. Those sub-three dollar prices seem like quite the bargain today, just two years later!

My Nerd Score

Dave Beauvais — Mon, 06 Feb 2006 01:32:14 +0000

I was expecting to be a little higher, actually. It’s probably because I’m not a Linux guy and just use Windows and occasionlly a Mac when I have to. Take the Nerd Test yourself to find your Nerd Score.

Be careful what you ask for

Dave Beauvais — Mon, 27 Jun 2005 06:28:53 +0000

This is one of the most amusing signs I’ve actually seen in person. (Most are Photochopped images found online.)

As an aside, these gas prices suck.

The definition of amusing

Dave Beauvais — Tue, 04 Jan 2005 03:23:43 +0000

Amusing: A mailing list open to posting by members only, the members of which all are supposed to be IT and security professionals, and which gets viruses posted to it on a semi-regular basis. One or two semi-regular readers will … Continue reading →

A fallen hero

Dave Beauvais — Sat, 05 Jun 2004 20:37:32 +0000

I would like to ask that all Pocket PC users take a moment to silently grieve for the mortally wounded Toshiba e405 pictured below, killed in the line of duty. While diligently standing watch in its kiosk in a Columbus, Ohio Micro Center store, serving to advertise the capabilities of its brothers and sisters to passing customers, it was struck down in a brutal attack by an unknown assailant. Unable to flee from the attack due to its restraints, the valiant device was subjected to multiple forms of torture as its kiosk mates looked on in helpless agony. The touch screen was deeply gouged repeatedly by a sharp, possibly metal object, and its buttons were damaged by being pressed with far more force than they were intended to withstand. Ultimately, the mostly defenseless e405 was unable to hold out any longer, and powered down one last time.

Terrified by the horrible acts of terror they had just witnessed, the other devices in the kiosk were found to be suffering from multiple forms of shock and mental stress. One iPAQ was found to be stuck in a soft reset loop, while a second iPAQ, a tiny h1945, was suffering from complete memory loss, its settings and demo software lost as a result of an apparent self-inflicted hard reset. It’s possible it had attempted to purge its memory of the horrific events it has recently witnessed.

Fear not, poor Pocket PCs, for your legacy shall live on in the minds and pockets of users such as us who faithfully care for our own Pocket PCs and mourn over the conditions you are forced to live in. Many of us also take it upon ourselves to keep you and those like you in proper working order — despite neglect by those who are supposed to oversee you — by performing healing soft resets, cleaning you of useless data entered by uncaring consumers, and occasionally beaming you a clean set of themes to make you more attractive to passers by. We salute you.

Star Trek Service Pack 1

Dave Beauvais — Mon, 26 Apr 2004 04:03:25 +0000

Do obvious continuity errors, cheesy dialog, and technical mishaps drive you crazy while watching reruns of old Star Trek episodes? Well, fear not, Trek fans, because the folks at Paramount have just released Star Trek Service Pack 1!

Twenty-five signs you’ve grown up

Dave Beauvais — Mon, 05 Apr 2004 10:23:06 +0000

Your potted plants are alive. And you can’t smoke any of them.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
You carry an umbrella and watch The Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
You’re the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6:00 PM.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3:00 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
You go to the drugstore for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
“I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
Over 80% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You don’t drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn’t apply to you!